I’m a self-proclaimed misanthrope. I covet solitude for the most part and I can go weeks without really getting the urge to have one-on-one time with another human being. This is partly because I live with a person and I get enough time there, partly because as the years have gone past most of the things that I sought after in other human beings I mostly found in myself, and partly because I have been hurt so many times and so frequently by others that on a base level it’s generally not an enjoyable experience for me. This isn’t something that should engender pity in anyone – it’s just the way it is.
Yet over the years I have found people who’s company I genuinely enjoy. People that I consider friends. I don’t hate human beings as a whole. For one, I am one. And I know that I can have experiences that I find fun or meaningful. Yet chances are if I meet a random person on the street, there’s a 90% chance I won’t like you them.
So why is that? And keep in mind if you are doing any of these things, I’m not telling you to stop. It’s just personally what I don’t like having around me. And I wasn’t sure what to write today for my scheduled blog post, so here’s what you get.
So why do I probably not like you?
- You don’t respect my choices. (Don’t have to respect the -thing-, just my ability to choose it)
- You make disparaging comments about my appearance, behavior, or personality
- You try to pressure me into doing things I don’t want to do
- A majority of your personality is contingent on you wanting to impress other people
- You make fun of me if I say anything you don’t understand
- You have a hard time understanding that some people think differently than you do
- You talk exclusively about yourself and don’t ask me any questions
- You try to force intimacy and trust instead of letting it develop in me at my own pace
- You’re overly negative or have a generally pessimistic attitude about life
- You don’t take responsibility for anything
- You tell me you like my writing, but then interrupt me constantly while I’m actually working
- You tell me I’m weird or awkward to try to either put me down, test my limits, or feel better about your own behavior
- If you’re a man, you neg me
- If you’re a man, you treat me like less than a human being. Either by putting me down, or elevating me above humanity.
- You tell me my problems don’t exist
- You constantly treat me like I have to prove myself to you
- You make assumptions about my behavior, and it generally has something to do with how I’m hurting you somehow
Okay, so now that I’ve got that out of the way, what do I like in other human beings?
- You have genuine interest and passion in something
- You’re generally positive, and don’t feel the need to hurt people to make yourself feel better
- You’re an individual, unique. I’m interested in people that are unlike anyone I’ve met before.
- You respect other people and their choices because you’re firm in your understanding of yourself
- You have some amount of self-awareness
- You’re interested in the world around you, and ask questions
- You’re not perfect, but you recognize that
- You have a certain something inside of you. A spark.
- Your eyes aren’t dead
- You display genuine intelligence and understanding
- You’ve been hurt badly but you don’t use that as an excuse to hurt other people.
- You see something beautiful in the world and existence
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